I learned that making caramel apples can be bad for your "health"

One day, while on LZ St. George, I'd been thinking about caramel apples.  So I asked myself: how in the hell am I going to get enough caramel and apples to get one to every one in this battery.  I'm wandering around the LZ and all of a sudden it hit me. The next time all the Sections get their SP packages, I'm requesting all caramel be given to me. Well, the next question was from all the Sections was what the hell was I going to do with all that caramel. So I open my big mouth and say I'm making caramel apples for the battery. If one section does not fork over the caramel they aren't getting any and they can watch everyone else eat caramel apples. Damn if I didn't have enough caramel. Now, my next problem was separating the dark from the light. It was easy enough, however, all the caramel pieces were individually wrapped. Hell, I did not have enough time to unwrap all that caramel. So what did this kid do? Hell, this is the Army, so I asked for volunteers. Well I had so many guys sitting inside the mess hall unwrapping that candy, it all got done in about an hour and half. Now it's going around the battery I'm making caramel apples for everyone.  And what do the guys in FDC do? They put it over the radio back to Camp Enari that were are having caramel apples.

Well, chow time comes and everyone had their caramel apple. Even had a couple left over. Next thing I know, here comes the top brass from Camp Enari. I'm not talking one or two. I'm talking a slick full of them. Here they come walking into the mess tent.  Sgt. Mac is looking at them like what the hell? I'm laughing my ass off. Top brass looks at  me and asks anymore caramel apples left? Yes sir, I reply, enough for all of you. They asked me how I came up with this idea and tell 'em. I was missing home and thought everyone would like it. Then he asked where I got all the caramel from. I told him from all the gun sections, medical section, and our section SP packs. He just smiled and said it was a damn fine idea and the Mess Sergeants he had in the rear had never thought of it. I just shrugged my shoulders and thought to myself that's your problem.  Out here, Sgt Mac and I do what we can. 

Well, I'll tell you those caramel apples were almost my demise. Next thing I know, some Captain flies out to St. George and asks me if I want to come back to the rear and run the mess hall. Now I'm thinkin' fast.  {Hell no, I don't want to go the rear and run that mess hall}. I have it made here. I'm helping Mac run the mess hall and I have a gun section that I belong to. Now, just how am I going to tell this Captain I do not want to go back there?

Next thing I do, without thinking, is to tell him I respectfully decline; I want to stay here with "A" battery. Now he tells he can cut orders transfer me back to run the mess hall. Well, I remember an ole trick I pulled back east when I was assigned to a RAD COM unit. I just looked at him and said, "Sir I honestly don't think you would like to eat bad tasting food".  He asked, "Why would that happen?" I looked at him and smiled. I said, "Sir, because if you send me back to the rear, I cannot tell you how bad the food is going to taste after I get done with it"..."And I can also tell you that it won't get any better".

He looked at me and asked, "Are you sure?" and I replied, "Without a doubt, sir."

He departed the LZ and I never heard anymore about being transferred.

Learned my lesson this time...never make caramel apples again.  And I didn't.


submitted bySp4 Larry Engels

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