Lt Bert G. Landau

Coming home after my first tour in RVN wasn’t an easy thing for me.  I was in a great deal of turmoil about leaving my men; I was also mentally unbalanced by the things I had seen and the things I had done - at times suicidal.   At other times, murderous.  A classic case of ‘survivor’s guilt’ plagued me.  The entire experience could best be described as filled with loss and grief; too many people I loved were gone.  Or maimed.  I was one of the maimed – mentally and emotionally.  I felt guilty about leaving and surviving when so many others left in plastic bags.  It was a year of indescribable horrors. There were some good things, too, but I can’t name any as I write this. And then there was other turmoil –unresolved – waiting for me at home. 

That was the extra baggage I took with me on that long flight home. I was sure that everyone on that flight carried the same kinds of loads with them. That was probably not true but the thought made me feel a little less alone. It felt like I was leaving the [known] frying pan for the [unknown] fire.

 In LAX, changing flights for the last leg of the flight home, I was assaulted by some college kids because I was wearing a uniform and was obviously coming home from Viet Nam .  I was called a baby killer and told that I "should have stayed in Nam and died there".  It was pretty harsh and added to my inner turmoil, I didn’t feel like those kids were very far off the mark.  The  "lesson" from that encounter, the situation with the home front and less-than-enthusiastic welcome home from "friends" left me feeling that I should return to RVN and that being back in the States wasn’t safe for me or for the civilians I would encounter.  I had already decided not to leave the Army.  For me, that was a good decision. I just wasn’t ready to leave.

 My duty assignment after Viet Nam was Ft. Sill and I was the Assistant S3 for Operations in III Corps Artillery until I had the chance to be a battery commander in the Pershing missile unit at Ft Sill.  That was a lot less fun than I thought it would be – the Pershing officers didn’t seem to have many Viet Nam vets in the unit.  Puzzling.  Maybe they went to Germany instead.  After about half a year, I called Officer Assignment Division and asked to go to the Field Artillery Officers Advanced Course.  I think I was admitted to the first class with a vacancy.

 Following graduation, I was ready [and willing] to return to Nam .  In fact I was eager to go.  I had been in the States for less than 2 years and knew that the only "home" I had was back in Viet Nam . At least there, I knew the rules.

So I returned. I still remember with great clarity the happiness I felt when the airplane began moving into the landing pattern at Nha Trang.  That was put aside for a few minutes after they opened the airplane doors after landing and the smells of Viet Nam along with the incredible humidity invaded the plane.  It felt so good to be home!

I was assigned to XXIV Corps Artillery, again as the Assistant S3 for Operations.  It was the same job I had been doing back in Ft Sill! Except that it took far less time and energy.  The word "bored" doesn’t begin to describe my feelings.  I went to see BG Myers about getting out in a battery and he said he would help.  He also had a number of tasks that he thought would be more exciting….like inspecting the ROK and ARVN artillery positions.  Remember that, just a few years ago, I had attacked a US Navy LST loaded with ROK Marines? Needless to say, I did NOT tell them that I was the guy who shelled their ship so badly it had to be put into port for repairs for two months.

I finally got my battery, I think it was C Battery, 1/39^th FA [175mm] – located on FSB C2, a stone's throw away from the DMZ. Seriously, we could shoot BBs into the southern fringe of the “Z.” I was in command of the last US military combat unit in northern I Corps.  The closest thing to a combat unit was the small collection of USMC advisor teams to Vietnamese Marines strung out in fire bases along the northern part of I Corps.

Aside from the rampant drug problems and the fact that they had fragged two of the last three battery commanders, it was just what I had been looking for. We reopened Khe Sanh with that battery and a whole lot of ARVN tanks during the invasion of Laos .  Hell, I wanted to take it all the way to the Lang Vei prison camp but General Myers said he would personally kill me if I tried.  

In December of 1970, I turned my guns over to an ARVN unit after driving back to the nearest US base…..at that time, about 60-70 miles south of the DMZ. I think we were the "bait" for an NVA attack that might, in response, bring the USMC back on line. The night before I pulled out of FSB C2, the Marines there brought Scotch in large quantities, along with a hand made certificate, attesting that I was the last of the American combat units to depart the DMZ.   It was presented in a toughing ceremony since they would be almost defenseless after I was gone. Within a few weeks, the FSB had been overrun.  

I kept that certificate in the back of a closet for decades. I felt badly about leave those guys there.  I finally took it out and it’s not on a wall in my house. I look at it pretty regularly and remember.  I don’t have many happy memories of that time.

Bert served two tours in Nam.  He now resides in Tucson, AZ.